Make Your Birthday Your Personal New Year
This past weekend, I celebrated my 56th birthday a little differently.
Instead of simply having a party, I hosted a Virtual Birthday Brunch & Learn.
I made my shrimp and grits, poured a non-alcoholic drink, invited family and friends to bring their favorite breakfast, brunch, or lunch, and we gathered virtually to celebrate.
There were birthday memories.
There were special guests.
There was laughter.
There were lessons.
There were prayers and words of encouragement.
And, of course, there was a birthday cake.
But underneath all of the celebrating was a bigger idea that I’ve been thinking about:
What if we treated our birthdays like our personal New Year?
Think about it.
Every January 1, millions of us stop and take inventory of our lives.
Where am I?
Where do I want to go?
What do I want to accomplish?
What needs to change?
What do I want to do differently this year?
We set goals. We choose words for the year. We buy planners. We make vision boards. We clean things out and declare that this year will be different.
But January 1 is everybody’s New Year.
Your birthday is yours.
It marks the day YOUR next 365 days begin.
And I think that’s worth more than cake and candles.
Birthdays Give Us a Natural Place to Pause
Life moves fast.
One year can easily blend into the next if we’re not intentional about stopping long enough to notice what’s happening.
That’s one reason my 56th birthday felt like the perfect opportunity to pause.
Not just to ask, “What do I want for my birthday?”
But to ask:
What has this year taught me?
What am I proud of?
What did I survive?
What did I accomplish?
What didn’t work?
What am I still carrying that I don’t want to take into another year?
Who have I become?
And perhaps most importantly:
Who do I want to be when I sit down to celebrate my next birthday?
Those are New Year’s questions.
But maybe we’ve been waiting for the wrong New Year to ask them.
Celebrate Before You Start Planning
I’m a goal person. I believe in setting goals and intentionally creating the life you want.
But I’ve also learned that reflection shouldn’t begin with everything that’s missing.
Before you make another list of things you need to accomplish, take a moment to recognize what you’ve already done.
Celebrate yourself.
Celebrate the goals you reached.
Celebrate the things you tried.
Celebrate the times you got back up.
Celebrate the prayers that were answered.
Celebrate the lessons you learned from the prayers that weren’t answered the way you expected.
Celebrate the people who showed up.
Celebrate the doors that opened.
And sometimes, celebrate the doors that closed.
Your life doesn’t have to be perfect before it is worthy of celebration.
Take Inventory of the Lessons
During my Birthday Brunch & Learn, I shared 10 lessons from my book, 50 GOLDEN REFLECTIONS: Lessons I’ve Learned Over the Years.
That was important to me because birthdays aren’t only markers of age.
They’re markers of wisdom.
I’ve lived another year.
I’ve experienced another year.
I’ve learned another year.
And every year should leave us with something.
So here’s an exercise I’m taking into this new chapter, and I invite you to do it when your birthday comes:
Make a Birthday Lessons List.
Don’t worry about writing 50.
Start with your age if you want. Start with 10. Start with five.
Ask yourself:
What do I know today that I didn’t know a year ago?
Some lessons may be profound.
Others may be practical.
Some may have cost you something to learn.
Write them down anyway.
Wisdom becomes much more valuable when we stop long enough to recognize it.
Decide What You’re Leaving Behind
We talk a lot about New Year’s resolutions, but sometimes the most powerful decision isn’t what we’re going to START doing.
It’s what we’re finally going to STOP carrying.
Every birthday gives us a line in the sand.
There was the version of me who was 55.
Now there is the version of me who is 56.
I get to decide what comes with her.
So do you.
Maybe you don’t need another goal yet.
Maybe your first question is:
What doesn’t get to come with me into my next year?
A habit?
A fear?
A relationship dynamic?
An old story you’ve been telling yourself?
Procrastination?
People-pleasing?
An unfinished project that needs to either be completed or released?
Your Personal New Year gives you permission to clean house—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and practically.
Then Look at Your Next 365 Days
Here’s where goal setting comes in.
Don’t think only about your age.
Think about the space between this birthday and the next one.
You have a brand-new set of 365 days.
What do you want to do with them?
Ask yourself:
By my next birthday…
What do I want to have experienced?
What goal do I want to have completed?
What do I want to have created?
What do I want to have learned?
Where do I want to have gone?
How do I want to feel?
Who do I want to have spent more time with?
What do I want to have changed?
What do I want to be able to say about this year?
Now your birthday isn’t just a celebration of the year behind you.
It becomes a starting line for the year ahead.
Create Your Own Birthday Traditions
Another thing I loved about my virtual celebration was hearing other people’s birthday memories and traditions.
It reminded me that we get to decide what our birthdays mean to us.
Maybe your Personal New Year includes a solo breakfast.
Maybe you take yourself somewhere special.
Maybe you write yourself a letter and don’t open it until your next birthday.
Maybe you review your goals.
Maybe you make a new vision board.
Maybe you take a personal retreat.
Maybe you schedule your annual physical.
Maybe you update your financial goals.
Maybe you create a list of things you want to experience before your next birthday.
Maybe you gather your favorite people around a table and ask everyone to share one lesson they’ve learned.
And yes, maybe you eat cake for breakfast.
It’s your New Year. Create traditions that mean something to you.
Don’t Wait Until January
One of the things I love most about this idea is that nobody has to wait until January 1.
If your birthday is next month, your New Year is coming.
If your birthday is six months away, start thinking about it now.
And if your birthday just passed, you haven’t missed anything.
Start today.
You don’t need permission from a calendar to begin again.
At 56, I am grateful for another year of life.
I’m grateful for the lessons.
I’m grateful for the people at my table—both literally and virtually.
I’m grateful for where I’ve been.
And I’m excited about where I’m going.
I’m not simply celebrating getting another year older.
I’m celebrating another year of life, another year of lessons, and another opportunity to begin again.
So here’s my challenge to you:
When your next birthday arrives, don’t just ask people what they’re giving you.
Give something to yourself.
Give yourself time to reflect.
Give yourself permission to celebrate.
Give yourself credit for how far you’ve come.
Give yourself permission to release what no longer belongs in your life.
And give yourself a vision for where you want to be when the candles come out again next year.
Blow out the candles.
Eat the cake.
Open the presents.
Take the pictures.
Enjoy your people.
But before the day is over, make one more declaration:
Happy Birthday to me.
And Happy New Year to me.
Because your birthday isn’t just the anniversary of the day you were born.
Your birthday is your Personal New Year.
Sheréa VeJauan Riley
Author of 50 GOLDEN REFLECTIONS: Lessons I’ve Learned Over the Years